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Hmm...

At four in the morning I'm laying in my bed with my laptop.  Not healthy for either of us really.  I don't have anything to be worried about getting up for tomorrow (today?) but I am half delirious and I know I should just go to sleep.  I've never been particularly happy about my body image, but now that i have the internet in my bed I'm a little worried about my own motivation to do much else.  Ah well, in one week I won't have a choice. 

I'm in my third year of college right now, and halfway through last semester I finally decided what I want to do with myself.  Since I was a little kid I've wanted to be a teacher.  When I graduated I just went with it and have been actively pursuing a degree in middle childhood education with a focus on language arts and social studies.   I could care absolutely less about social studies, but I did not want to deal with math or science.  I found myself getting somewhat restless though.  I just couldn't bring myself to care about it or look forward to my future.  Bumbling around on the internet one day I decided to look into language classes or something.  Recently I had decided I wanted to learn Japanese and have been working at it on my own ( I bought a shirt today and part of it was written in hiragana.  I was so proud of myself for being able to read it) .  This random search brought me to majors in Asian studies, which led me to majors in Japanese.  And so I find myself now, after dedicating two and a half years to english and social studies, getting ready to completely switch gears.  Not only am I switching majors, I have to completely transfer schools.  I really wish I had figured this crap out when I was 17.  I'm minoring in Multi-age education though, so not all of my work was for naught.  I'm getting kind of anxious about it to be honest.  If I cant' grasp the language what am I going to do?  My future kind of depends on it.  Although i guess it's a good sign that I've been able to make progress with self-instruction.  I just keep hoping that I will be able to really understand and utilize it and not just memorize things for short periods of time.  Gah!  *Sigh* 

I'm at that point of tiredness where your mind is completely unfocused and I just sat and stared at nothing for about 30 seconds before coming back to reality.  

I've had this livejournal account for a few months.  I mostly made it to lurk.  I tend to always feel like an outsider.  Although I am starting to recongize certain fansubbers and fic authors.  I don't have any real life friends who use livejournal either so it feels weird to be posting something that most likely isn't going to get read by anyone. On the other hand though it is nice to be able to just write down whatever comes to mind without having to really consider how I should properly phrase things.  I also find it difficult to articulate my thoughts, mostly when I am speaking though.  I'd like to think I'm a pretty smart cookie, but when I'm at work I feel like people must thing I'm a complete idiot.  Oi! I'm part of three college level honor societies damnit!  Acknowledge my academic greatness and ignore my social failings!!!  Or not...

I think... maybe that's all I'll write for now.  

Sakuui

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