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*Deep breath*

Gah! I filled out the last form I needed to in regards to studying at Kansai Gaidai this Fall.  My stomach is all knotted up just thinking about it.  It seems so exciting when it's a far off dream, but the thought of going to a foreign country, especially one where some form of English is not the native language, is absolutely terrifying! *takes another deep breath* 

I was pretty set to study at Kent State for my Master's Degree, but now I'm changing my mind some more. =/   Now that my drive to learn Korean has been kicked into gear, I want to go somewhere where I can study East Asian in general and get some formal classroom experience in Chinese and Korean, and hopefully study abroad again (in all three countries this time).  I have to look at degree time restrictions and funding, but I really want the chance to study in the countries to improve my language skills.  Like I said, it sounds like a wonderful fantasy, but if it actually happens I'm probably going to freak out some more.  I'm also worried that if I don't get some kind of certification in translation it might be more difficult for me to find work or be good enough.  *sigh* I wish someone would just pay me to study languages. That's really all I want to do.  

In other news, holy crap, Super Junior is kind of awesome.  The first time I stumbled upon some of their music I disregarded it.  But now I adore them, mostly because they're completely nuts. XD  As I always do, I had to pick a number one for myself, and despite his nightgown wearing tendencies, I think I lean toward Sungmin the most.  And now I will return to downloading Super Junior related variety shows and amusing myself for the next several hours.  

Why am I still awake? XD

I would offer to ask other people questions, but I only have one actual friend soo...
Thank you for pretending to be interested in me! ;)

1. Amanda~~! How old are you? Birthday& all (:

  I am currently 21.  My birthday is August 2nd (1988).

2. If you had to pick one kpop artist to live with for a year, who would it be?

This is an impossible question!  *is giving serious thought to the question* Either Seungho or Heechul.  They seem like they would be interesting housemates without being too obnoxious.  I want Heechul for his kitties lol  They also seem like people you could talk to if you really needed to.  And they're both older than me (which makes them legal for me to be attracted to XD )

3. Who is/are your favorite bands/groups/people in kpop and why?

Hmm... the first group I got into was Big Bang through one of their songs being used as a theme for a J-drama I was watching. Picking favorites is so hard! 

Big Bang is a favorite because I like the sound of their music (they revived my interest in dance music).

FT Island is my #1 because I really enjoy their music (and they're so freaking adorable). (Jaejin was my first choice, but after watching Maknae Idol Rebellion Seunghyun really grew on me)
MBLAQ is also high on my list.  I had kind of disregarded them initially when I just listened to "Oh Yeah" but after watching them on variety shows and listening to their songs again I think they're pretty talented and have hilarious personalities. (Lee Joon is... *drools*... um.. probably my favorite in Kpop overall. It's only partly because he's gorgeous. ;D )

At this current moment I have taken an interest in Super Junior.  I have a thing for Heechul.

4.Where are you from?

I don't really consider myself from anywhere, but I've lived in Northeast Ohio for about 9ish years now.  I was born in Arkansas, and I lived near Sacramento, California for about 8 years.

5. Do you have other social networking accounts? If so, can i add you? (:

I have a myspace and facebook.  I pretty much don't bother with my myspace anymore but you can add both of them if you want. =^_^=



I Heart Kisumai soo very much! (Just had to get that out of the way).

I'm fairly happy right now.  Just received contact about ordering a Kis-My-Ft2 poster from their current concerts.  Hopefully I'll get the last one I ordered sometime soon XD  I can't not smile whenever I listen to them and or watch them doing.... anything. lol 

Anyways... life recently...  Well, I managed to cut the same finger two days in a row.  First it was on my underwear (long story) and then it was trying to open my soda bottle.  I probably shouldn't be left on my own for my safety.

Over spring break I wanted to get caught up on school work and re-evaluate my life.  I had been very depressed and pessimistic and it was negatively affecting my performance in school.  It still kind of is.  I have been absent way too much this semester and I'll be surprised if I get any A's.  Meh.  Still sorting things out as far as Japan goes. 

Last weekend I started watching Korean dramas at the insistence of one of my best friends (she's basically like my barely younger little sister).  I started with... well it's called something different everywhere I look.  On dramacrazy.net it's listed as Biscuit Teacher and Star Candy.  I spent all weekend watching it until I was finished.  I think I am completely smitten with Gong Yoo.  Right now I am finishing up Coffee Prince.  

I would have written something sooner, but the last few weeks have been a struggle for me.  During spring break I though I was improving my life, but on Thursday I heard some terrible news.  One of my apartment mates and best friends passed away.  She struggled with epilepsy and it is believed to be the cause.  When I first heard it, I absolutely lost it.  I cried for days.  Right now I am trying to be ok.  When I think of her I am able to look back on our memories and smile.  I am so happy she was a part of my life even if it wasn't for a very long time.  My only regret is that I didn't tell her how much she really meant to me.

Til next time,


Wow... It's been a while

I kind of regret not having used this more.  >.<  I don't have any friends on livejournal, as I tend to be more of a lurker than anything, but it would still have been nice to write down my thoughts.  Oh well, can't change the past.  

My life is going... fairly well right now.  My biggest problems are relationship related.  Lately me and my boyfriend fight all the freakin' time.  This is a "new" boyfriend by the way.  Shortly after transferring colleges I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend of three and a half years and getting into a relationship with someone else.  We've been together now for.... um.. *counts in her head* 10 months!  (Which kind of sucks, because it's so close to valentine's day I'll never get separate celebrations XP ).  They're mostly stupid fights, but it still sucks.  I remember when we first started going out how 'in love' we were.  He actually cried out of happiness.  *sigh*  That's just the way things go I suppose. 

I've decided that I hate the grading system at my new college.  At YSU we just had A, B, C, etc.  but now there are pluses and minuses.  Eff that noise.  Seriously.  I got 1 A, 3 A-, and 1 B+, and my fresh 4.0 GPA went to 3.66.  It's just so damn frustrating.  Last semester though, I took 19 credits and got 5 A's, 1 B, and 1 B+, which pulled my GPA up to 3.7.  So hopefully if I work my ass off I'll be able to get a high enough GPA by graduation that I can get the highest latin honors.  This semester I'll probably be applying for Alpha Mu Gamma (Foreign Lanuage Honor Society).  19 Credit hours again.  *dies*  By the time I graudate I'm gonna be sick of Asia lol.  It's all Asia all the time.  Japanese classes and Asian history classes, taught by Asian teachers.  It's fun though.  Well, except for Dr. Yin's tests.  

After all of this time I gave up on teaching.  I changed my minor to Asian Studies after lots of thought.  I don't think I have what it takes to be a teacher, and I don't even know if that would have made me truly happy.  However, I've always been intersted in East Asia, so if nothing else, at least I am happy now.  My dream now is to work as a translator.  I'm mildly intersted in Interpretation, but I'm not sure if I could withstand that kind of pressure.  I guess it all depends on how skillful I become in my chosen language.  Ah, I feel like such a nerd!  My family doesn't have much money, so I only asked for "1" present this year.  I got language learning textbooks for christmas.  Lol.  From my brother I got Korean, and from my parents, Chinese.  I'm so excited to start learning that I don't know where to start.  And on the other hand I still need to focus on my Japanese studies.  Last semester I took Japanese 102 and 201 at the same time to speed up the process (because I'm already a senior and will have to stay an extra year).  This semester I'll be taking 202, but I'll be learning 300 on my own and spending an extra half hour with the teaching assistant for extra practice.  And then, in the fall, I'll be going to Japan!!  Gah! I'm so scared and excited at the same time.

Must eat dinner before my mom kills me.


Anxiety issues

This weekend has been freaking hell.  Left home at 9 a.m. Friday morning to drive to my new school.  Got my keys and what not and moved all of my junk into my new room.  When we walked in there was two people's stuff in the room so we ended up having to ask someone what was up.  That was fun.  Finished setting things up in my room and went to orientation. Orientation was... long.  Informative, but long.  There weren't many people there because it's the middle of the academic year so not many people probably transferred or started during spring semester.  At the end of orientation there was a raffle.  Because there were much fewer people at the end than we had started with I ended up with a size L t-shirt.  Good to sleep in at least.  From there we made our way slowly to my brother's house.  The weather was not very kind to me.  We slipped and slid all over the road but we made it.  Later that night my brother and I wandered into the blizzard to get free Taco Bell.  By the time we got home my ears were frozen and I could barely breathe.  But I enjoyed those tacos.  My mom kind of took charge of the place so my brother and I weren't really able to do much, and I had to hit the hay at about 12:30 because I had to get up at about 6:45.  I probably fell asleep closer to 2.  I woke up and prodded my mother into walking with me, who in turn prodded my brother awake.  Her argument was "wouldn't you feel bad if something happened to me walking in the dark by myself?"  Well wtf?  What about me? Apparently that's a sacrifice she's willing to make.  

The testing was a pain in the ass.  I had to take the Praxis 1 math, reading, and writing tests.  I was pretty confident in my math until about halfway through and then the guessing started.  Hopefully if I don't pass them all I will at least pass one.  And to make things worse... I registered for the tests while I was at my previous college, but the tests were also being administered at the college I had transferred to.  Meaning I didn't have to drive 40 minutes away in the blizzard.  Oh well, at least I got to see my brother.  I took a nap after I got home thinking I would get to hang out with my brother all night.  But I was awoken at 3 p.m. and told we were leaving so I had wasted the time I would have gotten to spend with him.

We stopped to get a few groceries on our way back to my college.  At one point we got rather lost, but after some backtracking we were good.  Unfortunately my mom decided to spend the night instead of trying to brave it back home so I didn't get to sleep in my bed for a second night.  As much as I complain, I am kind of glad she was here.  My roommate didn't move back in until today (yesterday?) so I would have been alone for a long while which would have sucked.  The minute my mom walked out the door I got homesick.  I'll suck it up though.  

My best friend came to see me.  My college is much closer to hers than my home is so we get to see one another more often.  I took a shower before she came and had to fiddle with the shower for a bit before I figured the damn thing out.  My roommate showed up before her and we did the obligatory introductions followed by a long silence.  I didn't know what to say and she was unpacking so I just let it be.  Things livened up a bit when my friend showed up.  Apparently my friend's roommate is friends with my new roommate which is pretty weird.  Small world.  I got to meet several of my roommate's friends as well.  They all seem pretty friendly.  My tension level fluctuated throughout the night, but it definitely wasn't as bad as it could have been.  I certainly feel welcome.  It'll take me a while to get used to things I'm sure, but they showed me where my classes were and took me to eat with them and they didn't have to.  I'm very appreciative.  I just hope my roommate doesn't get sick of my following her around.  I'm never sure If i'm actually annoying a person or if I'm annoying them because I keep asking if i'm annoying them.  

My classes start tomorrow at 10 a.m. I'm not super nervous just yet, but I'm sure I will be in the morning.  I've got two maps and my schedule so hopefully I'll find my way.  The only thing I'm worried about right now is getting a supplemental loan to pay off my books, computer, and car.  As an education minor I'm required to do outside work and I need a vehicle to get myself places.  In such a case I think that's an educational expense.  I have the car paid off, it's just in need of some repairs.  I hope things go the way I want.  I'm pretty worried.  I'll be talking to my parents tomorrow about co-signing for my loan.  I also need to get a new job.  I wonder if I shouldn't just go with work-study and take the monthly payment.  As long as I can afford my phone and insurance I'm good, and those are both monthly payments.  I'll need to ponder it a bit more.  I think I'm gonna call the boyfriend and head to bed.


Almost had a hissy fit.

Ah. My feet feel so much better.  I work in a convenience store with no official breaks so I basically just stood for about 8 hours straight.  Fun times.  It's nice to be home and in bed.  Thursday is my last day of work before I move into my dorm.  I'm rather sad.  Even though the work kinda sucks and there are some really rude customers, I'm gonna miss people.  This was my first real job.  I got the job through my dad, he delivered chips to the store for a while before his boss f***ed him over.  For a first job I got pretty lucky.  My boss is a little weird, but she's pretty cool.  Including me the employees numbered 8. All women.  I was pretty annoyed with one of my coworkers, but I really like everyone else.  Even if we're not always on the same wavelength, and I was 10 years younger than everyone else, they treated me kindly and like an equal.  I'm especially gonna miss Bev and Regina.  Bev reminded me a lot of my grandmother.  She's quite the spitfire. Hehe.  And I'll miss stocking the cooler early in anticipation of chatting the time away with Regina.  I'm gonna miss a few of the customers as well.  My two favorite lifefleet fellows showed up tonight and conversed with me for a bit.  I was rather happy to get to see them one more time.  They're both really funny (and flirtatious lol).  Hopefully I get transferred to a store close to my school.  It won't be the same though.  

I suppose the subject needs an explanation.  I got home and jumped into my pj's expecting to get on the computer and relax.  When I looked in my bag for my laptop's power cord I didn't find it.  I searched my room (apparently not very well) and started getting a little worked up.  I ran downstairs sans pants (my poor mom) and rifled the living room as well.  I remember packing it in my bag this morning so I was getting pretty upset.  If it wasn't here then it could only be with my boyfriend.  Who lives 30 minutes away.  Not a fun prospect.  When I came back to my room I tried to retrace my steps.  I had plugged in my phone which meant I took the charger out of my bag.  The bag where my power cord was supposed to be.  So I searched through the chair that the bag had originally been in.  And found the cord.  In my boot. I wonder about myself sometimes.

I shall save further ramblings for the future.



I feel strangely conflicted.  When I think about the future I get so excited and cannot wait.  When I come back to the now, I'm just bored.  I havent' been playing World of Warcraft recently so I figured I'd jump back in and maybe hit 73 on my rogue.  I ran around the area I was in for about 3 minutes before getting pissed off because I couldn't figure out where the hell I needed to go and promptly gave up again.  There are several dramas I'm interested in watching, a few episodes of Bloody Monday and maybe one of the NHK Taiga dramas like Shinsengumi or Atsu Hime.  I just keep avoiding watching them though.  I don't know why.  

Speaking of Bloody Monday, I decided to look up the end theme "Over the Rain" and ended up falling in love with Flumpool.  Within the first few secons of "Hana ni Nare" I decided it was one of my favorite songs.  I also looked into Remioromen.  This was after listening to Nishikido Ryo's drunken acoustic rendition of Konayuki.  Hehe.

I got my schedule for Spring semester yesterday.  I'm officially enrolled in Elementary Japanese 1.  *flail*  I'm so excited to be officially learning the language.  I already met my advisor during my tour.  She's an incredibly friendly woman, although I found it a little difficult to understand her English because of her heavy accent.  My other classes are Intro to Theatre, Religion and the Human Experience, Issues with Teaching Adolescents, and Intro to Education (again ew.).  I might not have to take the last one though.  I have to talk to the teacher about it since I'm transferring schools and from a different teacher education program.  *crosses her fingers*  Yay for the fact that I'm transferring with 75 credit hours and don't have many Gen. ed courses left to take.  My classes MWF don't start until 10 a.m. and T TH i have one class at 1:10 p.m.  I'm so happy not to have any 8 a.m. classes. 

Back to the beginning of this post.  The part about being excited for the future.  Originally I only knew about the JET program and figured I would strive to participate in it after graduation.  However, after another fateful round of googling, I discovered several other interesting programs.  One of them was GEOS and the other was Amity.  I'm really interested in seeking employment with Amity after graduation.  The pay is great, the benefits are great, and I would get to teach mainly to children.  Depending on my performance it is possible to renew my 1 year contract several times as well.  Right now I get anxious while considering how on earth i would ever be able to live in a foreign country on my own and work in a new environment.  But I just keep thinking about all the time in between now and then that will give me the chance to grow as an individual and gain more confidence in myself.  I probably won't stop worrying, but that doesn't dampen the excitement at all. 

It's so nice to have an idea where I want to go in life.  I felt so lost and uneasy before.  I won't be able to see my friends or family as much, but I just keep telling myself that I can't back down from the opportunity to fulfill my dreams just because it might get lonely at times.  Who knows what'll happen within hte next 2 or 3 years.  Ne?


At four in the morning I'm laying in my bed with my laptop.  Not healthy for either of us really.  I don't have anything to be worried about getting up for tomorrow (today?) but I am half delirious and I know I should just go to sleep.  I've never been particularly happy about my body image, but now that i have the internet in my bed I'm a little worried about my own motivation to do much else.  Ah well, in one week I won't have a choice. 

I'm in my third year of college right now, and halfway through last semester I finally decided what I want to do with myself.  Since I was a little kid I've wanted to be a teacher.  When I graduated I just went with it and have been actively pursuing a degree in middle childhood education with a focus on language arts and social studies.   I could care absolutely less about social studies, but I did not want to deal with math or science.  I found myself getting somewhat restless though.  I just couldn't bring myself to care about it or look forward to my future.  Bumbling around on the internet one day I decided to look into language classes or something.  Recently I had decided I wanted to learn Japanese and have been working at it on my own ( I bought a shirt today and part of it was written in hiragana.  I was so proud of myself for being able to read it) .  This random search brought me to majors in Asian studies, which led me to majors in Japanese.  And so I find myself now, after dedicating two and a half years to english and social studies, getting ready to completely switch gears.  Not only am I switching majors, I have to completely transfer schools.  I really wish I had figured this crap out when I was 17.  I'm minoring in Multi-age education though, so not all of my work was for naught.  I'm getting kind of anxious about it to be honest.  If I cant' grasp the language what am I going to do?  My future kind of depends on it.  Although i guess it's a good sign that I've been able to make progress with self-instruction.  I just keep hoping that I will be able to really understand and utilize it and not just memorize things for short periods of time.  Gah!  *Sigh* 

I'm at that point of tiredness where your mind is completely unfocused and I just sat and stared at nothing for about 30 seconds before coming back to reality.  

I've had this livejournal account for a few months.  I mostly made it to lurk.  I tend to always feel like an outsider.  Although I am starting to recongize certain fansubbers and fic authors.  I don't have any real life friends who use livejournal either so it feels weird to be posting something that most likely isn't going to get read by anyone. On the other hand though it is nice to be able to just write down whatever comes to mind without having to really consider how I should properly phrase things.  I also find it difficult to articulate my thoughts, mostly when I am speaking though.  I'd like to think I'm a pretty smart cookie, but when I'm at work I feel like people must thing I'm a complete idiot.  Oi! I'm part of three college level honor societies damnit!  Acknowledge my academic greatness and ignore my social failings!!!  Or not...

I think... maybe that's all I'll write for now.  




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